Judith
by a-darkened-romance
Summary: Inspired by A Perfect Circle's Judith Harry's changed alot. He's cutting himself, he's breaking away from Ron and Hermoine, and he's snapping at almost everyone he meets with the exception of Seamus. How can Draco possibly help him stop? HD, slight HS
1. Such An Inspiration

Legal BS: I own nothing.

Judith

By: Inu-Risa Ouji

Chapter 1: Such an Inspiration

_You're such an inspiration for the ways  
That I'll never ever choose to be  
Oh so many ways for me to show you  
How the savior has abandoned you  
Fuck your God  
Your Lord and your Christ  
He did this  
Took all you had and  
Left you this way  
Still you pray, you never stray  
Never taste of the fruit  
You never thought to question why _

-A Perfect Circle; _Judith©_

Harry brought the blade across his wrist for the umpteenth time tonight, Hermoine's words still ringing in his mind.

"All you have to do is pray, Harry." she had said. Yeah? Well, fuck that. Harry always prayed. He had prayed that he would have a real family. He found Sirius and then lost him. He prayed that the war would end. It had, but with how many lives lost, all because one asshole wizard didn't like the way the school was run. 'No, Voldemort wasn't a wizard.' Harry thought bitterly as he observed the thick crimson liquid run from his veins. 'Wizards have more sense than that. No, Voldemort was a monster.'

Pressing the small sheet of sharp, cold steel against his wrist once again, Harry took one clean swipe and a fresh cut, a new gateway to release, was created. It was then that, in his hazy mind, he decided that he would never be like Hermoine. Always looking on the bright side, then being too stupid to see when someone was being screwed over. 'Besides,' Harry smirked bitterly, 'God hates people like us, right? God hates witches and wizards, right?' he asked himself in his mind, wondering how Hermoine would react if he had told her that.

Chuckling darkly to himself, Harry laid back on his bed, succumbing to the darkness that was created , now that the curtains were drawn, and letting his self-afflicted wounds heal on their own. Putting on his muggle headphones and pushing the play button, Harry closed his eyes and listened to the sweet tunes of the Underworld soundtrack, silently thanking any being that would listen that the deep burgundy sheets and comforter might hide the crimson stains that would surely be there in the morning.

* * *

"Harry. Harry, wake up." Harry slowly opened his eyes, squinting hard to make out the blurry figure through the sunlight pouring in through the window.

"Ugh, Seamus? Is that you?" he asked groggily. The bouncy Irish boy smiled broadly and took Harry by the hand.

"Yup yup, Harry. Up and at 'em. Gotta get to breakfast and then to potions with, ugh, the Slytherins" Both Seamus and Harry blanched at the mention of their rival house. Why did the sexy house have to give the Gryffindors such hell? It was so unfair. Harry sat up and swung his long skinny legs over the side of the bed and placing his socked feet on the floor. He rose slowly, his tight bones cracking lightly.

"Looks like someone got comfy last night." Seamus joked, not noticing the cuts and scars on Harry's writs and arms. The black haired boy just smiled and searched through his trunk for a clean uniform. He decided on the newly issued burgundy sweater with the Gryffindor crest sewn onto the left breast and the usual dark grey slacks. He easily slipped into his black loafers and equally black cloak.

"Ready." he said, turning back to Seamus.

"Already? You didn't even shower."

"Yeah I did, last night. By the way, where's Ron?" he hadn't seen Ron all morning, although he wasn't too surprised.

"He and Hermoine went down a while ago. Thought you'd know that by now, hun." Seamus replied as though it were the most obvious thing in the world, even though it damn near was. Harry nodded and started out of the dorms and into the common room. It, too, was near empty, with the exception of a couple of first through third years who decided to come back early and a few sixth year girls who had decided they weren't eating (thanks to a fat comment contributed by a group of Slytherin boys). 'Reason number 2,237 as to why I'm glad I'm gay' Harry thought as he bitterly remembered the scene.

"Come on Harry, we'll be late." Seamus prodded, bouncing around like a hyper three year old. Harry waved a hand at him.

"Coming, coming."

* * *

The Great Hall was filled with chatter as always as Seamus and Harry entered, talking and laughing amongst themselves. Harry was laughing at a rather raunchy joke Seamus had told, but his chuckles were cut short as her felt a pair of eyes burning into him. He looked around the Great Hall, his brows furrowed as he tried to find the source of such attention. 'There' he thought as he locked onto the Slytherin table, and, lo and behold, there was none other than Draco Malfoy, staring intently at him with steely grey eyes. Harry stared back for a moment before, very slowly, raising his middle finger at the blonde brat, resulting in the blonde instantly tearing his eyes away from him.

"What was that all about?" Seamus asked, his eyes also gazing at the Slytherin table. Harry just shrugged as the two took a seat at their own table.

"Harry! Hey, mate." Ron greeted as Hermoine smiled. Harry just smiled back, falsely(does that make sense?), before turning his attention back to Seamus, who had started talking as he grabbed a cinnamon roll from one of the platters.

"Harry-chan, it's Friday, you know." He said, using Harry's nickname, used only by Seamus. 'He's been reading way too much manga.' Harry thought before responding.

"Yeah I know."

"Tomorrow's Hogsmede Weekend. You wanna go with me?" he asked, smiling sweetly and fluttering his lashes. Harry smiled at Seamus' attempts at dropping hints, so he agreed.

"Sure. Where do you wanna go?" he asked, still smiling as Seamus blushed. He was so uke.

"Um, well, first I wanted to see if that new muggle shop had the fourth and fifth Hot Gimmick manga. Maybe pick up some pocky, too." Harry nodded.

"It's a date then."

"Great. I was afraid you'd say no, because, you know, you and the lovebirds used to always go together, so I thought I-" the black haired boy put his hand up to silence his friends yammering.

"Seamus, it's no problem. Besides, I don't think they'll miss me too much." he sighed looking over at the two as they ignored him. Sighing again, he concentrated on his breakfast.

* * *

Breakfast had ended and everyone had retreated to their classes. Harry had lost Seamus somewhere, so he was now walking alone to the dungeons, which, in retrospect, wasn't such a hot idea.

"Aww, is ickle Potty all alone?" Pansy Parkinson, the slut of Hogwarts, jeered. Harry noticed that neither Draco nor Blaise was there with her, but nonetheless, he continued onward to the Potions classroom.

"Don't walk away like you don't here me, Potter! Or did you forget your place?" at this, Harry whirled around to face Pansy and her group of fake blonde bimbos.

"My place? I think it's _you_ who forgot _your_ place Parkinson's Disease." Pansy and her group gasped. "You think I don't know what kind of girl you are? You along with your little girlfriends here, are the type of girl that walks around thinking she's the shit, but in reality you're nothing but a cheap, fifty-cent _slut_." He smirked at the expression on the girls' faces. The nearby students remained quiet for a while before the Gryffindors busted out into a harsh, boisterous laughter. Pansy's face, along with the faces of her posse, turned a deep crimson and she turned and ran, tears streaming down her cheeks. Harry smirked even more at his accomplishment before he turned and entered the Potions classroom, receiving fives from Gryffindors and even a few Slytherin.

Inside, Harry took a seat close to the door and was taking out yesterday's assignment when Hermoine placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

"Harry, that was really mean, what you said to her." Harry turned to face his 'friend', his brows furrowed slightly.

"What, it's okay for her to say something about me, but I'm not allowed to defend myself? Besides, you have nerve talking about mean, seeing as you've barely spoken to me all week." he snapped, a lot quieter than before. Hermoine ruffled lightly.

"I-Harry I've been busy. I told you that."

"Oh, sorry Hermoine. I must've forgotten that sucking face with Ron counts as being busy. My mistake." he hadn't meant to sound so rude, but how dare she take such a high and mighty attitude? 'And when the fuck did it get so hot in the dungeons?' he thought, rolling up his sleeves. It was then he noticed the chair next to him slide out and someone sit next to him. He avoided looking at the person, that is, until he felt the person's eyes boring into his wrist. Nervously, he looked over at the other person, and his heart fell as he locked eyes on a neat patch of blonde hair and cold silver eyes.

"What do you want, Malfoy?" Harry asked, avoiding his gaze.

"Your arm…"

"You want my arm." Malfoy glared.

"No, I mean what happened to your arm?" Harry turned to face him, his black brows furrowed,

"I don't have to explain anything to you, Malfoy. Why'd you sit here, anyway?" Malfoy scoffed and leaned back in his seat, still admiring the scars on his desk mate's arms.

"Despite what you may have heard, Potter, I can sit wherever I damn well please." There wasn't as much venom behind Malfoy's words, but nonetheless, before Harry could reply, Snape started the lesson. The black haired Potions Master grimaced at the site of Harry and Malfoy sitting together, but, much to Harry's surprise, didn't say anything.

"Today, we shall be working on the Shinjitsu Potion, or truth potion (I can't think of the name of the truth serum in the story). It's effects are similar to those of the potion Aurors use, only it targets the drinker's deepest, darkest secrets." Snape's voice was low and deep, adding a more dramatic affect. " You will be working with the person next to you. The instructions and ingredients are at the front of the room, get started and don't screw up." At this dismissal, the students began bustling about the room, collecting the materials and then returning to their seats.

* * *

"I think that's it." Harry sighed as he and Malfoy finished the potion. Well, more like Harry finished the potion, Malfoy just sat there, reading off the instructions as Harry chopped, diced, and poured.

"Well, drink up, Potter." Malfoy sighed nonchalantly, resting his head in the palm of his hand. Harry gave him a surprised and somewhat angry look.

"Excuse me? You haven't done jack shit all class. _You're_ drinking it, not me." the black haired boy complained. Malfoy sighed bitterly.

"Professor, Potter isn't cooperating." the blonde tattled. The potions master was on them in a second.

"I don't care what you say. I worked hard while you just sat on your fat arse all class." Malfoy's eyes widened, as did those of Snape and a few nearby students. "And I didn't complain once. Now you have the second easiest job in this assignment, and you're even to lazy to do that? By the gods, what the hell good are you, anyway, Malfoy?" Malfoy, at this point, looked as though he were about to cry, and Snape didn't know what to do.

"Potter-"

"No, I'll tell you what. I'll drink the potion, but you owe me big time, got it?" Draco (I'm tired of calling him Malfoy) nodded pitifully and Harry sat down, dipping the small pewter ladle into the bubbly royal blue potion and, when he figured he had enough, he pulled it out and up to his lips, sipping the potion slowly. By this time, everyone had gone back to what they were doing, and Draco was meekly sitting there, observing. 'Bottom's, I suppose' Harry thought as he felt the warm liquid slither down his throat. As soon as the liquid was downed, Harry felt a slight fuzzy feeling in his mind.

"W-well, Harry? D-does it work?" Draco asked shyly, not wanting to light Harry's already short fuse. Harry turned to face him, still feeling a bit funny.

"I don't know."

"What's your deepest secret?" Draco asked, still a little shy.

"I-I c-cut myself at night…"

* * *

A/N: Oh my ugly! I hope you guys like it, 'cause I don't. Not really. Oh, and for those wondering about White Houses, I cannot guarantee the completion of that. There is a fifth chapter in the works, but that may be it for a while. 


	2. It's Not Like You Killed Someone

Legal BS: Same as always.

Warning: Despite how depressed I usually am, I've never written angst before.

Judith

By :Inu-Risa Ouji

Chapter two: It's Not Like You Killed Someone

_It's not like you killed someone  
It's not like you drove a hateful spear into his side  
Praise the one who left you  
Broken down and paralyzed  
He did it all for you  
He did it all for you  
-A Perfect Circle; Judith©_

Draco looked at Harry with a mix of shock and disgust. Who would've thought the Boy Who Lived would do something like that to himself? The mere thought was implausible. Before Draco could so much as open his mouth, Snape's deep drawl filled the chilly potions classroom.

"I expect twelve inches of parchment on why or why not you feel this potion is more effective than the Vitaserum we use today on my desk tomorrow. No excuses." He looked pointedly at Harry. "Now, get out of my sight." the potions master practically snarled at the students as they filed out of the classroom. Draco continued to gape at Harry as the black haired boy packed up his things, not even stopping when the boy glared at him.

"What?" Harry asked, obviously annoyed. Draco's face colored slightly.

"W-why? Why would you do something like that to yourself!" Draco's voice was raising, causing a few student's to once again look in their direction. Harry shushed him, his black brows furrowed.

"Will you keep it down? And what do you care? You hate me, remember?" Harry turned away from the blonde boy. "And besides, it's not like no one else does it." Without awaiting a response from Draco, he quickly exited the room. Still curious, Draco followed him.

"For your information, I don't care, _Potter_."

"Sure sounds like you do, Malfoy. And in any case, you wouldn't understand." This time, Harry didn't try to escape the you Malfoy heir, instead just walking in uncomfortable silence, his brows still furrowed.

"Why wouldn't I understand, Potter?" Draco said quietly, still walking alongside Harry.

"What are you talking about, Malfoy? You have it all. Money, family who cares about you, legions of girls that would die to have you and boys who would do the same." much to Harry's surprise, Draco scoffed.

"You have no idea how dense you sound, do you, Potter? Sure, I have money, but I also have a family who only acts like they care about me so they can be kept up on the social ladder, and girls and guys who only want to fuck me to up their status around school. I get shit out of it." Draco smirked bitterly. Harry only stayed quiet. He had no idea being the heir of the Malfoy fortune sucked so much ball. He thought Malfoy would have it easy. "But, you know what?" Draco continued. "I never thought to dwell on it too much because, despite what you may think of me, I know that there are people much worse off." The blonde raised his head , a slightly whimsical look in his deep grey eyes. What a fantastic view on life, Harry thought as he continued onward to his divination class.

"By the way, where's Weasley and Granger?"

"Probably fucking in Filch's supply closet." Draco visibly shuddered.

-

Harry sat by himself at the small round tea table in the Divination classroom. Hermoine and Ron spent most of the time flirting, so he decided to move. He sighed bitterly as he roamed his hands along the crystal ball, hoping to see at least some good in his future. Crimson swirled inside the crystalline sphere like a gas, expanding until the sphere looked like it had been painted with blood. The crimson cleared and in the ball, Harry saw himself. He was smiling, and not one of the fake smiles he had used to give people, but a genuine smile, like the one he flashed when he first got chosen for Quidditch, like when her saw his parents in the Mirror, and especially when he first got away from the Dursley's and came to Hogwarts. He saw that he was looking at up at someone; obviously a person, because he was latched on to a slightly taller person's arm.

'Ugh, why can't I see their face?' Harry thought bitterly as he focused his mind harder and soon, he was leaning forward, his forehead pressed against the cool crystal. For the life of him he couldn't see any more than that. 'I give.' he thought, sighing and leaning back. Divination was usually his nap time anyway. He closed his eyes and steadied his breathing and was about to put his head down when he heard the sound of the chair across from him slide out from under the table. Harry opened his eyes a little bit and his heart nearly stopped when he saw Draco Malfoy sitting across from him.

"Are you still stalking me, Malfoy?" he asked, not much malice in his voice. Draco just smiled.

"Not bloody likely, Potter. I just got tired of Crabbe and Goyle asking me 'Duh, Draco, how does this work?'" he said, doing his best Crabbe and Goyle impression. Harry actually laughed. "So, why are you sitting here all by yourself?"

"Got tired of Ron and Hermoine practically dry humping all the time." Draco blanched visibly and again Harry laughed.

"Oh, gods, that's not an image I need. Thanks a lot Potter."

"Anytime, Malfoy."

-

"Augh, look at those two. Who the hell does that bloody Malfoy think he is, hmm?" Rockell Rockette, a fellow Seventh Year Slytherin, glared down at the two boys as they laughed and joked with one another. Surprisingly, Rockell had little interest in Malfoy and desperately wanted to get he claws into Harry, and it wasn't like she would have much trouble getting to him, not with her looks. She was tall and very busty, with beautiful hazel eyes and hair so red, it could challenge that of the whole Weasley family. Starletta Dreamship, also a Slytherin, just smiled that perfect smile of hers, a bit of golden blonde hair bitten gently between her teeth.

"I didn't take you to be the jealous type, Rockell. Besides, what about 'house pride'?" Starletta asked, her blue eyes also fixed on the boys' table. Rockell scoffed.

"Damn house pride." the redhead smirked. She could care less about the Slytherin pride, she had her future in mind. Everyone in Hogwarts knew of Harry's little fortune, which made him one of the key targets of the gold-diggers of the school. The fact that practically every girl knew he was hung didn't help him much. Starletta smirked towards the boys' table. She was one of the few girls that didn't give a rat's ass about Harry Potter. She had her frigid sights on the Ice Prince himself, Draco Malfoy. Due to her innocent childlike appearance, guys would always coddle her and treat her like a china doll. She was sick of it, and she was sure Draco would give her the tough love she needed. Rockelle averted her gaze to look curiously at her friend, and, as the pieces came together in her mind, she smirked.

"See, even you have something to lose." She leaned closer. "I say we put a stop to this relationship before it starts." Starletta chuckled viciously as she thought about it. It seemed like a good idea….

-

"I wonder what those two are up to." Harry asked, glancing up at the two girls every now and then. Draco looked back at the two Slytherin girls before rolling his eyes and turning back.

"Don't worry about them. They're always cooking up some half-arsed scheme. None of them ever work though. Harry chuckled and shook his head.

"They sound psycho." the blonde smirked and nodded.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: Seems a little short and a little bad, but things, hopefully, will pick up later.


	3. Taste of the Fruit

Legal BS: I own very little. Just the two crazy bitches that may or may not show up again.

Judith

By: Inu-Risa Ouji

Chapter Three:

Taste of the Fruit

_Oh so many ways for me to show you  
How your dogma has abandoned you   
Pray to your Christ, to your god  
Never taste of the fruit   
Never stray, never break  
Never---choke on a lie  
Even though he's the one who did this to you  
You never thought to question why_

_A Perfect Circle; Judith© _

Whoever said that Friday was the best day of the week was an asshole. The Boy Who Lived But Regrets It slowly sauntered back to the Gryffindor commons, silent deciding to skip dinner. Between the whirlwind relationship changes with Draco, those two crazy bitches from Slytherin hawk-eyeing him, and the odd glances and noticeable whispers, this Friday was hell on Earth. If he hadn't told Seamus he'd take him to Hogsmede tomorrow, he'd probably say 'piss on Saturday' as well.

'What the hell?' Harry thought as the smell of nicotine and smoke wafted through the corridors. Obviously they were muggle cigarettes, or else they wouldn't have smelled like shit. Harry, feeling oddly compelled, followed the reek of the narcotic until he found the light, will-o-whisp of orange light floating in the darkness. The dimly lit torches of the halls only revealed a pair of long , skinny legs wrapped in black dress slacks and a pair of Armani shoes, shoes Harry could recognize in a heartbeat.

"Malfoy? Is that you?" the black haired boy asked cautiously, not wanting to look like a jackass if he was wrong. A swirly, white puff of smoke floated from the orange light before the white stick fell to the floor, the Armani shoe stamping it out.

"Potter? Since when do you skip a meal?" the blond joked, emerging from the darkness and smiling at the taller boy. Harry just smiled meekly and faced away from the blond.

"More to the point, since when did you smoke?" he asked, his smile slowly fading as he, out of habit, tugged the long sleeves of his shirt down. He may have been a teensy bit closer to the blonde boy, but that didn't mean he was any more comfortable with showing him what he had done.

"Since, maybe, last year or so. It tastes like shit, but it calms me down." Draco replied before taking another step closer to the black-haired boy. He placed a hand on Harry's arm, causing the smaller boy to flinch. Silver eyes narrowed and Draco's small smile faded into a frown. "What's wrong? Don't want me touching you?" Harry's pitiful green eyes shot up at his companion, his mouth opened slightly before he spoke.

"No, it's j-just that-"

"Just what? Tell me!" the blonde demanded as his grip on the boy's arm tightened.

"It hurts, okay! It hurts!" Draco immediately let go, his eyes wide and his mouth opened in a small 'o' as Harry fell to his knees, biting his lip to hold back forceful sobs. Draco kneeled down next to him and took his arm, more gently this time, and rolled the boys sleeves up. Just as he suspected, there were fresh new cuts on the fragile, pale skin; still crimson from, even though they were beginning to scar over. There was even blood, still streaked on the boys flesh from a piss-poor attempt to wipe it off. The very sight made Draco cringe.

"Why, Harry? Why?"

"Why what, Malfoy?"

"Don't give me that shit, Harry. Why do you continuously do this to yourself! What good comes out of it!" Draco's voice was raising, gaining the attention a few of the paintings.

"Why not, Draco? Every time! Every time I mess up, someone else ends up paying for it! People have died because I lived! Surely you agree that it's about time I get punished for my mistakes-" before Harry could so much as mutter another word, a pale palm landed across his face with a shrieking 'slap'. Maniacal green eyes looked up at the taller boy in shock.

"Stop it, Harry! Just stop!" before thinking anything through, Draco pulled Harry closer, the smaller boy's face buried in his chest. Harry breathed in Draco's scent and sighed contently. The only thing that could snap him out of his trance was the vibration of Draco's chest as he spoke. "No, you don't deserve this, Harry. You deserve so much better. You deserve people who love you and will be attentive to your needs. Not those two losers who insist on showing off their freaky lusts in public." Draco pushed Harry away so that he could look into those emerald green eyes. "Do they even know you're doing this!" he asked, enraged. His anger only grew when Harry shamefully shook his head. "Why am I not surprised? And what about Finnegan?" Again, Harry shook his head "You see what I mean, Harry? These people you surround yourself with, these are people you see every goddamn day, and they can't even see your problem! I bet they don't even ask how you feel about any of this, do they?" Sighing, Draco noted that dinner was probably almost over by now, so he lowered his voice and continued. "Listen, Harry. You deserve better than this, than them. You need someone who is willing and can take care of you, and give you what you need out of life."

"Oh, yeah? And who will that someone be, huh? Dumbledore? Please Draco, I think he's a little-"

"I was actually thinking more along the lines of someone closer to your own age." The blonde replied before leaning forward and pressing a gentle kiss on the smaller boy's lips. His instincts getting the better of him, Harry responded and before long, found himself in Draco's lap, kissing passionately before the two pulled away.

"We should probably stop. Dinner should be coming to a close. You can stay in my dorm if you want. You know, just in case you don't feel like dealing with the other Griffindorks." Draco offered. Harry thought it over and smiled.

"I'd like that." he replied. Who knew, maybe this would be his first step to recovery.

"What do you mean you haven't seen Harry?" Seamus asked Ron and Hermoine, irritated that the two spent more time making out than being friends to the one who needed it most. The two blushed and shrugged, both embarrassed and ashamed.

"I'm sorry, Seamus, but we haven't really seen Harry all day." Hermoine replied and Ron nodded in agreement. Seamus sighed dramatically.

"Well, goddamn! You know, since you two have gotten together, neither of you have been any help!" Ron gaped and Hermoine sulked, near tears, as the Irish boy stormed away from the Gryffindor table and to the door of the Great Hall. Seamus sighed, hoping he found Harry so he could remind him about tomorrow. He should have known something was wrong, because the second he touched the thick wood of the door, a unnerving shiver went down his spine. There was something on the other side of that door that he didn't want to see, but his curiosity got the better of him, and he pushed the door open anyway. A little ways down the hall, Seamus could make out two figures in a tight embrace. He took a few steps forward, making sure he stepped lightly. He was still a little ways away from them, but he could vaguely make out their conversation.

"Why am I not surprised? And what about Finnegan?" there was a pause as Seamus' ears began burning. "You see what I mean, Harry? These people you surround yourself with, these are people you see every goddamn day, and they can't even see your problem! I bet they don't even ask how you feel about any of this, do they?" There was another pause, and a knot began to form in the Irish boy's throat as hot tears burned his eyes. Without sticking around to listen to another word, Seamus turned on heel and ran back to the Great Hall, just as the other students were gathering their things and getting ready to be dismissed.

"Draco, will your dorm mates be…um…comfortable with my staying the night with you?" Harry asked as the two made their way down the corridor. Draco simply nodded as they headed further and further down the hall.

"Surely you don't think that a young man of my status would share a room with near-strangers." he commented. Harry chuckled lightly, noting that some things about Draco just didn't change. The two stopped in front of a large, dark cherry oak wood door. With one gentle push, the door opened to reveal the most beautiful room he had ever seen. It was a lavish little hideaway, with furniture made of fine polished wood and black velvets and silks. (a/n: I'm really out of it right now, so I'll skip the description.)

"Draco, it's gorgeous!" Harry gasped as Draco gently took his hand and led him to the bathroom.

"Thank you. I saw to it that it was decorated the way I like. But, for right now, we need to get you cleaned up and into bed.

A/N: That wasn't the longest chapter, but it's almost 1 and like I said, I'm really out of it. I'll continue soon so leave me lots and lots of comments. Bye now!


	4. As If He Knows the Reasons Why

Disclaimer: You know they're not mine.

A/N: I'm so sorry the last chapter wasn't the best. I feel like I rushed it a little. Also, I'd like to apologize for the long wait. Between writer's block, school, and studying for my Temps, writing hasn't been easy. Thanks to all my beautiful perfect reviewers .

Judith

Chapter Four

As If He Knows the Reasons Why

_Not like you killed someone  
It's not like you drove a spiteful spear into his side  
Talk to Jesus Christ  
As if he knows the reasons why  
He did it all for you  
Did it all for you  
He did it all for you.._

-A Perfect Circle; Judith

The blessing sunlight streamed into the private room of Draco Malfoy, striking a noticeably luminescent glow on the blonde boy's face. Harry smiled as he watched him sleep, his white gold hair a mess from a fair amount of tossing and turning, his almost invisible eyelashes fluttering every so often. In Harry's personal opinion, Draco Malfoy was truly beautiful, both inside and out. Harry smiled to himself as he cuddled closer to the taller boy. Maybe he didn't know where they stood with one another, whether they were friends, boyfriends, lovers, rivals, but at the current moment, that didn't matter. What mattered was that Harry could maybe, just maybe, take his first step in recovering.

The green-eyed boy's heart skipped a beat when Draco moved toward him, his silver eyes fluttering open just enough to greet Harry, smiling face.

"Mmm, good morning, gorgeous." the Slytherin sighed as he ran his fingers through Harry's mess of black hair. Harry's smile grew as he snuggled closer to Draco.

"Good morning. Sleep well?"

"Yeah, actually. Best sleep of my life. Um…" the blonde paused as he looked out the window. "What time is it, by the way?" Something instantly clicking in the raven haired boy's head, Harry shot up.

"Shit! I promised Seamus I'd take him to Hogsmede today. Gods, I'm such a fucking ditz."

Snow fell gently onto Seamus' winter parka, the boy's deep brown eyes focused on the blinding white of the snow as it crushed beneath his feet. He shouldn't have come today, not after what he heard and saw last night. Harry was doing something, and if Draco, the Gryffindor's mortal enemy, was trying to help him, it had to be bad. But, despite the circumstances, Seamus couldn't help but feel angry at Harry. What could he possibly tell Draco that he couldn't tell his own dorm mates? Weren't they supposed to be friends, an inseparable band of brothers and sisters? The Irish boy's head snapped up as a gentle hand fell onto his shoulder. Seamus suddenly stiffened, sensing someone coming up behind him. He silently hoped it was Harry, just so he could give him a good lashing.

"Seamus? What are you doing out here all by yourself? it's Hogsmede weekend, you know…" It was Dean Thomas, much to Seamus' chagrin.

"I know that. I was supposed to go with Potter," he spit out the name like it was acid "But he hasn't shown up yet." Dean frowned. It wasn't like Harry to break a promise, especially to someone who obviously cherished him.

"Well, Seamus, surely he has a good reason." At this, the Irish boy scoffed.

"I you consider screwing Draco Malfoy being a good excuse." he sneered, ignoring Dean little gasp. Dean placed a hand on Seamus' back, rubbing it gently as the Irish boy broke down into tears and quiet hiccups. "Why does it hurt so bad, Dean? It's not like we were anything special. Fuck, we weren't even together that way…so why? Why does it hurt?" Seamus buried his face into the crook of Dean's neck, his breath heaving. Dean just hugged him close, shushing him and telling him it would be okay.

"Harry, calm down. I'm sure Seamus will understand." Draco said as he watched Harry bounce around the room, snatching up every stray piece of his clothing he could find.

"Yeah, he'll really understand that I'm late because I overslept from a night spent with the ice-prince of Slytherin."

"Well, it sounds so raunchy when you say it." Harry rushed over and pecked Draco on the lips. "Are you coming back?"

"I'll try. I just nee to get this settled first." Harry replied as he ran for the door, now fully dressed. Draco smiled as the door slammed shut. 'Maybe Harry's getting better' he though as he rose from the bed, his weary bones cracking under the green silk pajamas. He took the pants and left Harry with the top, which the smaller so graciously took with him. No one would believe what happened last night. Despite what Draco knew people would think. Nothing raunchy happened. The boys just cuddled together, Draco caressing Harry's wrist as the raven haired boy shared all his experiences since first year. Such things would probably bore most people, but not the Slytherin prince. He laid there, listening intently, as the boy went on cautiously. He even laughed when Harry told him about the whole polyjuice incident in second year.

"Drac?" a faint knock was heard before Blaise poked his head in. "Drac, you up for Hogsmede? I need to get a few outfits." Draco shrugged and nodded. It's not like he would have anything better to do for the net hour or so anyway.

Harry couldn't find Seamus anywhere around Hogwarts, which made it safe to assume that he had left already, which really didn't surprise the boy too much. Running into Hogsmede, Harry's first stop was the florist. It would be nice to get Seamus and apology gift, and maybe a little something for Draco for saving him in his time of great need.

"Something I can door for you, Dearest?" Rhiona, a busty blonde woman, greeted him with a smile that could melt the snow on the ground. Harry smiled back.

"Yeah, you can…"

Once his business in the florist was finished, Harry ran to the Leaky Caldron, where he was sure he'd meet up with Seamus sooner or later. The boy entered the pub, hiding the flowers behind his back, and sure enough, the was the Irish lad, sitting at the bar, taking a shot. Harry crept up to him, tapped him on the shoulder, and when the boy turned around, Harry flashed a single crimson rose.

"What's this?" Seamus voice was slurred slightly, but Harry chose to ignore it.

"It's for you. To say I'm sorry about today, you know, just in case you were upset." Seamus rose, his eyes watering slightly.

"It's gonna take more than a single rose to apologize for everything you put me through, Harry P-Potter." He slurred.

"I'm sorry?"

"You know, Harry, it's one thing to stand me up, but to lead me on as well. That's just cruel!"

"Seamus, I don't-"

"Look, I heard you and Draco last night!" Harry's eyes widened. "I mean, it's okay if you two are together, but goddamn, at least let me know before you agree to meet me somewhere!"

"Seamus, if you would just listen to me…"

"No, there's nothing more to explain. Just leave me alone for a while." With that, Seamus went back to nursing his drink, Dean Thomas, who was there the entire time, wrapping an arm around him. Devastated, Harry dropped the rose on the cold floor and ran for the door.

Blaise and Draco were just leaving Hot Gimmick, a new clothing in Hogsmede, when a flash of black flew by them. Draco was damn near sure that it was his Harry, and he didn't look to pleased. In fact, he looked to be bawling. Without any sort of explanation to Blaise (he didn't feel he needed one), Draco shot off after the boy, not taking too long to catch up to him.

"Harry! Stop!" To Draco's surprise, the boy did stop, right in front of the barbed wire fence that shielded off the Shrieking Shack. The blonde stepped closer to him, wrapping him in a comforting embrace. "Harry, please, tell me what happened." Harry turned to face him, hot tears streaking his cheeks.

"It's Seamus. I-I went to the Leaky Cauldron and found him there, so I tried to talk to him and tell him I was sorry…but he completely lost it. He started going on about how I led him on and how I should have told him that you and I were together before agreeing to meet him…" he started sobbing and nuzzling his face into the taller boy's chest. "I feel so stupid. I bought his a rose and everything."

"You bought him a rose?" Draco inquired, smiling slightly as Harry nodded. The raven haired boy reached into his pocket and un-shrunk the small bouquet of white roses he bought for Draco.

"It reminds me, I got these for you, to say thank you for last night. Hopefully you won't explode on me too." Harry's voice cracked and Draco took the roses, speechless.

"No, I won't explode…but I don't want your roses either." Harry looked up at him, wide eyed. "Harry, I didn't do all that just to have you thank me and move on. I didn't do it because I'm a good Samaritan. I did it because, for the longest time, I've cared about you. Since last year and all summer you've been on my mind. There have been times I wanted to cry because I couldn't have you…you were always with those dammed friends of yours and could never get closer to you, even for a second. Harry, I don't know you enough to say I love you…" Draco pressed his lips against Harry's briefly. "But, I think I'm pretty damn close."

"Draco…."

A/N: It's late and I have a big day tomorrow and I'm tired, so I'll stop there. Click that button and review!


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